It was my first year in Boston and I was at a bar with one of my white friends. After we ordered cocktails, we started a conversation with a random stranger sitting next to us. Thirty minutes into a very fun and light conversation, my friend went to the bathroom and the random stranger began to tell me how much he liked my friend. He ended this long gushing review by saying, “Yeah, he’s totally my type. Blond, blue eyes, tall. Don’t take this the wrong way – I’m just not into black guys.”
Someone had the audacity to say that to me? He was ruling this decision by perceptions of what he thought of me based on my race. Unfortunately, his thinking and views seeped into my consciousness and planted a seed that I was not good enough to be considered. It made me think that a majority of people would rule me out of a romantic relationship just because of the color of my skin. And I swam in this lie and allowed it to dictate how I felt about myself and how I moved about life. For a moment, I allowed it to jeopardize my ability to succeed personally and professionally.
What I learned is that this would eventually give me the opportunity to feel what it means to be free of someone else’s perception of me. To base who I am on what others think of me is dismissing my journey of who I have come to be. In fact, it’s not who we are, it’s who we are becoming that’s most important. I allowed this one small moment in my huge life to knock me off my life course.
Spiritual activist and life coach Marianne Williamson says, “The miracle of our existence is a cause for celebration” – just the fact that we are here on this earth makes us worthy of all that is good and the freedom to be who we are. And the person who judges based on perceptions has no idea of your amazing future and potential. This life lesson has allowed me to remove myself from what others think and now I can truly live with intention, purpose, and in the words of Martin Luther King Jr., “Free at last!”
I do find it kinda funny (in a sad way) that, as black, gay men in this city, we all seem to have a similar experience - sometimes more than once. As disappointing as the experience has been, the only time it has truly saddened me is when it has come from other black men. I had to ask one man how he could expect ANYONE to love him, to accept him, if he cannot want, or love what he sees in the mirror.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for reading Anthony. I totally feel your comment. Others' perceptions can easily be traps of control. That's why its so important for us to equip ourselves with elements of our journey so that when we come up against it - we have the courage to not blend in, but blend out and show others and the world who we really are!
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