Dear Self,
I bet you still have the commencement speech from our 1999 college
graduation still ringing in your ears. Thought
leaders, educators and innovators sat behind the dais and bestowed promises of
joy, hope and eternal happiness to us and our fellow classmates as we began our
journey to adulthood. Images of the
perfect career, perfect spouse, perfect family, perfect friends and perfect
home – yes, the perfect life manifested in our mind as quickly as we walked on
stage to accept our diploma.
Well, that was then. Life in your early 20s has quickly
transitioned into a dilemma. A time
where you have to use a small check to pay for rent, food, clothes while
working a high-stress, low-pay and sometimes thankless job. Friendships are now debatable. Lack of parental financial help makes you
feel isolated. As a result, you are not familiar to your own self. And what you once believed seems confusing or
not as achievable any more.
Take a breath. I’m writing
this letter to you because the words these experts behind the dais should have
said to us were, “Get Real. Welcome
Failure. Embrace Crisis. Take
Time.” These words will equip you to own
your life’s journey instead of cowering in the corner every time you hit a bump
in the road. I’m telling you this
because I’m now 10 years older and I’ve lived it. Here’s a gift, from me to you – tools to help
you navigate through and beyond this next chapter of your life and get you to
where you most want to go. You and I
both know, the only thing more important than who you are today… is who you are
becoming.
-
First, GET REAL! It doesn’t pay to pretend to be something
you’re not to get what you want out of life.
To base who you are on what others think you should be is dismissing
your journey of who you have come to be.
Believe that you are enough when you walk in to an experience –
professional or personal. For example,
when you said “Yes” to every request from your boss without fully understanding
what she was asking for so that you wouldn’t be perceived as dumb –
this was not being real! If you don’t
speak from truth and admit what you don’t know, you will over compensate in
every aspect trying to prove your worth. Understand that you arrived where you
are because of all the work that you have done.
Accept what you CAN and CAN NOT do – then understand that what you CAN
NOT DO does not equate to worthlessness.
-
Next, WELCOME FAILURE! One
sure way to get better, tap more into your passion and gain a clearer sense of
self – is to welcome failure. Remember
when you failed at securing a win for your client, and you were fired. If that hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t have
been forced to really answer the question, “What is it that I really want to do in
life?” Challenge yourself to see failure
as an aspiration so that you can get closer to where you are meant to be with
much more clarity. I’ve stopped pursuing opportunities
saying, “What do I have to LOSE?” Instead I ask, “What do I have to GAIN?” Then I’m able
to step back and be encouraged by my courage.
Failure may yield a longer journey to success, but you’ll gain life-long
lessons every step of the way.
-
Plus, EMBRACE CRISIS! There will be moments when it seems your life
has fallen apart. Yes, you tend to be a
bit on the dramatic side, but let’s not play your experiences down. You will claim loss, loneliness, confusion
and be shouting to anyone who will listen, “Why Me?” What I learned
is that in crisis you can decide to do one of two things: Live in a lie and
deny that the crisis exists OR show the crisis who you really are and move
forward in truth. Throughout your early
twenties, your struggle whether or not to come out of the closet caused you to
live in constant limbo. However, you
finally saw coming out as an answer to you moving towards the truest expression
of yourself. Spiritual teacher and
author Gary Zukav says, “If you do not bring forth the truth of your heart, how
can you give the gifts that you were born to give? Potential that cannot break
through encrusted fear becomes frustration, resentment, hopelessness, anger and
rage. Self-hatred is self-destruction.”
Understand that a crisis does not end you; it leads you to a
breakthrough where a more meaningful life truly begins.
-
Finally, TAKE TIME! Dwelling in the process is the most important
key to navigating through your 20s. First lady Michelle Obama said this in a recent talk to a crowd of
young adults, “The only thing that happens in an instant is destruction. Build
something…earthquake, it’s gone. But everything else requires time: raising
children, building a family, having a career. All of it takes time.” Make the decision to slow down and define
what you, and only you, can give back in your personal or professional life.
Realize that the slowness is not a reason to stop and be impatient. After several years in the same position, you
were consistent at doing good work that also reflected your true passion and
was constantly open to feedback for improvement. This alone helped you move into a new position
that is your true calling – leading the learning and development of your fellow
employees. Taking your time will give
you the energy and focus to keep you moving forward in your own time, and at
your own pace.
No one will tell you being in your 20s is
going to be easy, but most people won’t tell you it’s going to be hard. It’s up to you to roll with the punches while
celebrating the times when you get back up, dust yourself off and keep moving
forward. Take these words to heart and
instead of living in the midst of a 20-something dilemma, I promise you will
start living 20-something solutions.
Wishing you the best today and always,
