Lindsay King: Following Your Bliss

FIVE THINGS LINDSAY IS THANKFUL FOR:

1.  I am thankful for my independence. Not as an American. Although I am. I am thankful that I was still single, without kids, OR a husband, at the age of 32. I got laid off, from a job that I hated, when the economy went south two years ago. And one night, sitting on my beautiful deck, overlooking downtown Austin, TX, having a glass of wine, I got to say to myself…”What is it you really want to do with your life?” And within a span of two glasses of wine, I got to figure out that I wanted to go to culinary school. And not only go, but move to New York City to do it. The best city in the world, outside of maybe Paris, to cook in. Without that “independence”, I couldn’t have done it. Lots of people are always asking, “When are you getting married?” “Who are you dating?” “Don’t you want kids?” But because I was SINGLE and KIDLESS(that’s a word, by the way), I got to just think about me. How often does that happen?!?! (And it has been the best thing I have ever done with my life.)

2. I am completely and utterly thankful for my “chosen family”. Meaning my friends. NYC is a hard city. Really, really hard. It’s fast paced, expensive, and completely narcissistic. So when you find people who love you and want the best for you, and think about you before themselves, it sometimes blows you away. I have spent the last two Thanksgivings and the last two Christmas’ with my “chosen family”. And have had such a sweet and inspiring time. I spent last Christmas with a shaman, two lesbian couples, and one holy, blessed man from Nigeria. I learned so much and felt such love from them. What you can learn from others if you just stay open and receptive will ALWAYS blow you away. I am so thankful to be able to call them friends. And my views have changed so much about what makes this world go around. And for that I am truly grateful.

3. I am thankful for public transportation. And there is a selfish reason for this. When I moved to New York, I was about 50 pounds overweight. And I thought I would never make it in a city where you have to walk everywhere. But being here has turned me into an “active” person. I walk all the time. And being in a profession where I am on my feet 8 to 12 hours a day also keeps me moving. And in the span of two year, I have dropped 55 pounds. I haven’t EVER been as healthy as I am now. Clothes shopping has never been as fun. And I haven’t felt this good since I was in high school. And I’m 34 years old. Now this may seem like a shallow “thankfulness”. But when you have been overweight for a good span of your life, it really isn’t. And I will never go back to my old ways.

4. I am thankful for families that adopt. My older sister recently adopted two kids from Ethiopia. And watching what they go through has made me realize what it takes to adopt…from anywhere. These are kids that are marginalized. Left behind, forgotten, abandoned, beaten, starved. The traumas that they have faced in their short life spans, will be more than what any of us will ever have to deal with in our own lives. I have watched them be terrified, angry, defiant, giddy, loving, hateful, and down right mean. But then to watch, when they are really starting to realize that they have a loving family forever, whether they are good or bad, happy or sad, mean or nice. And to see their little spirits heal, and start to transform…it makes me see what is really important in this world. And to see that one family can make a difference. I cannot put into words what this has done to me. And to hear two screaming, adorable voices over the phone asking about “Nudea York” and telling me that they “love me more”...it’s what the Lord wants the world to be, and it’s who I want to be in this crazy world.

5. Finally, the one everyone always says, I am thankful for my family. I was born into what I consider to be the absolute perfect family. My parents are the best, most supportive (emotionally, and maybe more importantly, financially) people I could ever ask for. My dad hung the moon in my eyes. My mom, she made the stars. And they are still happily married after a hundred years. My siblings…well let’s just say that if you mess with them, you will for sure…get the horns. I would not be who I am without my faith or my family. I am who I am because of them. I have my independence, because of them. I can be completely ok with spending Christmas with my “chosen family”, because of my real family. They were the ones who more excited about me becoming healthy than I was. They gave me two darling Ethiopians and three adorable Texas nieces and nephews. They are the reason I have made it in this world. Them and God.

Lindsay, the Kings, the Hatmakers, and the Zagers. Together we are going to make this world a better place. For everyone.

www.insightfulvoice.com

We've All Been There

It started as the last night on the town in Houston, Texas.   After an early evening cocktail party turned into dinner with wine….and dinner with wine turned into late night drinks…the morning after I was turned into a mess.   To make matters worse, I had a 10 a.m. flight back to Boston.

The only thing that got me to the airport and my gate on time was prayer.   Once on the plane, I took my window seat next to an older woman.  And although I was holding on to the armrests for dear life, the plane cabin would not stop spinning.  Then came the cold sweats and the nausea.  I put my head between my knees because I started to get dizzy.  The woman looked at me and asked, “Are you a nervous flier?” And I embarrassingly replied, “No, I’m just hungover.” 

As the flight attendants prepared the cabin for take-off, I kept wondering what the woman next to me must be thinking.  She must be judging me for being completely out of control.  She must be judging me for bringing this chaos into her peaceful trip.  She must be judging me for taking the airsickness bag from the seat and disembarking my breakfast.  I climbed over her and ran to the bathroom as the plane began to ascend. 

Once I regained my composure, I returned to my seat without looking at the woman and stared out the window.  I then felt her pat my back and she said, “We’ve all been there.”

Because of her, when I see someone in distress or in the midst of a mistake – I hold my judgment.  When I judge, my complete vision and focus is turned to all things outside of myself.  I know that judging is used as a defense mechanism so that I don’t have to face what I dislike about myself.  I disassociate myself from the humanness that connects me and another person.  Now I know it’s not only important to understand that we’ve all been there, but it’s also important to understand where that person is coming from.  www.insightfulvoice.com

Belong

When I moved to Boston 10 years ago, I accepted a job as communications director for a leading legal rights organization in charge of a number of initiatives and cases affecting lesbian, gay, bisexual people and the transgender community.

As the communications director, my biggest challenge was trying to wrap my head around men or women who felt as though they were genetically assigned to the wrong body.  How could I make these stories digestible and relatable to others?  To help me prepare for this work, my friend introduced me to one of his closest friends who was transgendered.  I asked her, “What does being transgendered mean to you?”  

She told me about a time when she was 16.  In her small town, there was no one like her.  She had a desire to connect with others –this was an all day, every day feeling that would not go away.  Then she heard about a unique event taking place not far from her home.  It was a conference sponsored by Transgender Tapestry, a publication that celebrates diversity of gender expression.   When she arrived at the event and started to meet the others who were attending, she was able to define what “transgender” meant to her.  And that was the definition she shared with me.  She said, “It was the first time I felt I belonged.”

Everyone has the desire to belong to something greater than themselves.  To know that you are part of something bigger brings a sense of purpose to who you truly are.  I have gotten the great opportunity to meet many kinds of people throughout my life, but the greater opportunity and gift was to learn of them and take time to hear their story.  What I learned is that I relate to them on a bigger scale and that we are more alike than we are different.  It brings a sense of belonging to my life – and gives me a clearer picture of who I really am.  www.insightfulvoice.com

Then And Now

Workshop attendees develop and present their personal mission statements during 
the HBGC 2011 Youth Empowerment conference.

Yesterday, I had the privilege of speaking at a youth empowerment conference.   My workshop was titled, “Who Do You Think You Are?” and the age of attendees ranged from 15 to 18.  It was an honor to interact with these future leaders in a classroom setting where we took an hour out of our day to learn about what we each stood for and how we could be of service to others.

I was amazed at the truthfulness of these 21 individuals who were in the midst of becoming who they were driven to be.  On my way home after the workshop, I thought about some of the attendees, their stories and personal mission statements.  I reflected on the person I was at that age…and the lessons I could have learned from these young people.  Then I had a thought.  If I had the opportunity to go back in time, what would I tell my younger self:

1.  Help manage your parents’ expectations for your life by telling them the truth.
2. When people challenge you by saying, “Who do you think you are?”, they are really asking themselves, “Who do I think I am not?”
3. You WILL get back fat – either exercise now or learn to embrace it.
4. Don’t blend in, blend out.
5. It’s not always about you.

I understand fully that these are applicable life lessons for then and now, and I have these empowered youth to thank for this realization.  www.insightfulvoice.com

What's The Rush?

Lately I’ve found myself running at a fast neck-breaking pace…trying to beat life to the punch.  Like many of you, I get occupied by friends and colleagues who are also running this race we call life.  I continue to check and see how I measure up to their success.  I often focus on how far along they have progressed on their personal journey, and wonder why I’m not there yet.  This hurried motion only leaves me exhausted, more impatient… and running towards something that appears to have no finish line.

My constant need to do things bigger, better, faster than others keeps me from dwelling in the process of learning.  It also causes me to disrespect my own journey and blinds me to the possibility of what can be gained by slowing down.

First lady Michelle Obama said this in a recent talk to a crowd of young adults, “The only thing that happens in an instant is destruction.  Build something…earthquake, it’s gone.  But everything else requires time: raising children, building a family, having a career.  All of it takes time.”

Instead of concentrating on what other people are doing and allowing myself to be consumed by the speed they can deliver it, I have now made the decision to slow down and define what I, and only I, can give back in my personal or professional life.  I have started to realize that the slowness is not a reason to stop and be impatient, but it gives me the energy and focus to keep moving toward the highest expression of MY life…in my own time, and at my own pace.